My First Love

I was in class IX then. Our school had several sections in every standard. In class IX, the sections were reorganized on the basis of additional subjects. So the section had many faces new to me. Among them was a girl, about my height, very fair in complexion and a stunningly beautiful face. Her seat was not far from mine, but we had not talked in the first few months. While I thought she was beautiful, i had felt no particular attraction towards her.

31st july 2000. There was a Bangla Bandh, and just 8 of the 62 students in the class turned up. Among them she was there. The class hour had not yet begun. The 8 students were scattered around the classroom. I was standing, somewhat absent-minded near the door. Suddenly i heard from behind me, "Had the class teacher given some homework for today?" I turned and saw that it was she. Somewhat taken aback that she suddenly spoke to me, I replied that she had not. But then the class teacher entered the class, and

we stopped. No class was held that day because of the scant attendance, the students just spent the day chatting. She sat in the bench in front of me, and was taking history notes from another boy's notebook. While the other 6 students huddled around the rear part of the classroom and played Dumb Charades, she spoke to me while writing. We chatted for a long time. At length the slow and workless day came to an end. As I walked home, I was replaying in my mind the moments spent with her. I felt nothing special, but thoroughly enjoyed it. Over the next few days I did not get a chance to speak with her, but kept looking forward to talking to her again. The chance came after 10 days. She was showing me what a careless mistake she had done in the Maths test. But after that the Half-Yearly exams started, and everyone got busy with the huge syllabus. The test was tough, specially mechanics. During the exam days i saw her once in the corridor, but she did not see me and walked past me. But on september 8, when the classes resumed, i raninto her again. She smiled gleefully at me, and we had a long banterful chat. By now the feeling had crept within me. I knew for sure i was longing to talk to her all the time, and knew that she enjoyed my company. However i wanted to be cautious not to overdo things. We spoke several times in september, but then the exam results came out. I had performed well, in fact topped the class. But unfortunately her performance was very bad. I felt a bit embarassed to talk to her by myself, and waited till she talked to me. The school would remain closed for a month (for Puja) in October. Before the vacation started, as per traditions, a party was to be arranged in the class. It included food and a couple of dramas by students. I loved acting, and chose to participate in a bengali drama by Sukumar Ray. The day before the party, she waved to me, and asked me about  the drama and my role. I was happy, and even more happier the next day after the drama when she congratulated me for my performance! Then came the Pujas. Every year I visited lots of pandals in South Kolkata. It was, for me, an opportunity to walk the roads and discover the geography of the city, which was (and still is) one of my passions. On the closing day of Puja, I decided to go to a famous pandal. It was located in an area whose geography seemed particularly attractive to me. But another reason was that I had known that she lived somewhere in that area. Of course I had no idea where exactly she lived, and the odds of seeing her in the crowds of Puja was ridiculously low. Nevertheless I went around building castles in the air of me running into her during the Puja.

6th October, 2000. Kolkata was at its festive best. The drums were beating at every pandal. In the evening, i set out for the pandal with my dad. We walked through several pandals, and moved close to the main pandal i wanted. We saw a puja and walked towards it. A crowd had gathered in front of the pandal. In the pandal some musical program was going on. As we moved towards the pandal, i somehow turned left towards some people sitting on chairs, and guess what!!!!!! She was sitting there, right in front of my eyes!!!! My heart beat so fast that i literally felt unwell. I hopped-and-ran towards her, and greeted her. We spoke for a couple of minutes, but since my father was there, i had to leave with him. But i was completely dazed and stupefied. I was finding it hard to talk. It had been nothing short of a miracle. And i thought, if such a miracle can happen, then surely we are made for each other. Even on returning home i was still dazed, and i was somewhat afraid that parents would notice my abnormal behavior. I dreamt of the incident in my sleep. The next day i went to my uncle's place, where my cousins were also there. And there was a match- India vs Australia in Champion's Trophy 2000. Even sitting with my cousins before the TV, watching Yuvraj's classy innings and Zaheer yorking out Steve Waugh, i was mentally replaying the incident all through. The puja vacation passed, and classes  resumed. Through November and December i spoke to her regularly. We were now good friends. I was determined to make the approach. I had never felt like this for any girls. Though talk of affairs was common in class, there were not many affairs going on in the class. So it would be quite a novel thing. I decided not to rush things but take steps steadily. The first major step would be to gift her a card on New Year's Day.

2nd Jan 2001. I came to class with the card. I had cards for a few more friends as well, and i gave those away to the intended recipients. And then, during the lunch break, i finally got a chance to talk to her. After speaking a couple of minutes, i took the card and gave it to her. She was completely stunned for a second, as if finding hard to believe what was going on. Then she almost screamed out in joy or whatever emotion as she took the card. But i was embarrassed beyond hell. I knew immediately from her reaction that she has got the message already, which was not what i wanted. i wasn't prepared for this; i had not meant the card to be a proposal. i understood that i had blushed completely, and i could stand there no longer in embarrasment, i rushed out of the class.

What happenned after that? the news spread like wild fire, and was known to almost the entire school. i was unable to digest the fact that such a gossip was being created about me. i was embarrassed and even ashamed that i had done such a thing. I fought with myself for two months, trying to free myself of her infatuation. I never proposed or made any other move to her later, but we remained good friends for the rest of the school life. We lost contact after school, and despite searching for her on social networks i never found her. There were a couple of reunions of the schoolmates, but she did not turn up. It was only as late as 2010 that i finally found her on facebook, and then on orkut. But by then she was engaged, and soon she was married and moved abroad with her husband. I am still here, hopelessly single.